Sustainability Tools | JDC EXEC
Intend for your Relationships
Janine Do Cabo | Sustainability & Leadership Development | JHB, SA
Jim Rohn, one of America’s most iconic personal development coaches who has changed and is still changing the lives of millions around the world with his numerous books and audio videos once said,
“You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”
What that means mathematically is that if you were, to sum up, the strengths, characteristics, flaws, and shortcomings of each of the people in your inner circle of 5, and divide it by 5, the result would be who you are. To put it more plainly, the friends you spend your time with, can negatively or positively affect the projection of your own life and steer you towards either great success or dismal failure. When you are being IN10TIONAL about your relationships, you are making a deliberate and proactive decision to ensure that the relational investments you make align you to your desired destination, because whether it’s occurred to you or not, each relationship you have right now, requires some level of investment. When you adopt the investor’s mind-set to relationships, you begin to value how much time and effort you’re putting into a relationship against the return of investment they bring.
Regarding relationships and influence, Napoleon Hill said to, “deliberately seek the company of people who influence you to think and act on building the life you desire.” Napoleon Hill is regarded as a guru of self-actualization among many, cemented his credibility when he wrote a best seller based on the accumulated lessons he gathered from the great leaders gone before us as well as his own in order to establish what secrets lead to success. His knowledge gave us one of the most life-changing, awe-inspiring self-help books of the 20th century- “Think and grow rich.”
Assessing relationships, however, can be a difficult and sensitive activity, especially if loyalty is one of your strengths. To successfully be IN10TIONAL about relationships, you would need to remove the bias you may possess, and CHOOSE to objectively evaluate whether your investment of time will assist you in reaping the blessings the future may bring because they propel you forward or alternatively, like a weighted anchor drag you down. Once you’re willing to evaluate the risk and rewards with each relationship, it’s time to determine the blueprint to which you will evaluate them.
THERE IS NO MIDDLE GROUND RELATIONSHIP, but rather two of each extreme. The friends who are able to inspire, motivate, push and draw your greatest potential out; and, the friends who for lack of a better term, bring out the worst in you and set you back.
The friends you want are the ones who clearly contribute to your growth as a person, as a mother, daughter, or worker. They dare you to follow the dreams you never thought you deserved and may have the ability to do so in a subtle but powerful way. IN10TIONAL friends, take your imagination down a path of self-discovery and suggest to you whether consciously or subconsciously that, you too can have or be who and what they have or are. They’re willing to invest in you with sound counsel and invaluable exposure to people, places, and things it may have taken you years to get. With their wisdom, they endeavour to use words for purpose and not idle chatter and gossip. Not that life doesn’t hand them lemons, no, on the contrary, they may have to overcome a great deal of adversity. Their strength, however, lies in how they see the world they are in. They’re visionaries and at the end of each conversation, you feel as if you’re capable of achieving the impossible.
IN10TIONAL relationships are success-driven and they aim to see the fruit in everything they do; in a nutshell, they get the job done and they pride themselves in it. Being the visionaries that they are, they are able to see the strengths you have and appreciate them in a way that sends an unspoken message to keep doing what you’re doing.
In reverse, the friends to distance yourself from are those who are negative and draining. They may not be this way intentionally, but they have never taken the time to do some introspection of their own to change their destructive thought patterns. They have no desire to better their skills or their status-quo but prefer to complain about where they are and who’s to blame for them being there – which in most cases isn’t them. They are responsive and change as the environment around them does. They may be the ones to go-to for the latest gossip but their minds are too small to develop big ideas. As a result, leaving their company leaves you emotionally drained and unproductive.
As you sieve out unIN10TIONAL relationships, honestly take stock of your own relational worth. If your circle was to evaluate you in which category would you fall? Ask yourself if you add value like a real estate purchase or do you depreciate like a new car driven off the showroom floor? Your fruit should be a clear indication as to whether you’re a winner or not.
Constant complaints, gossiping and responsive behaviour are signs of bad fruit that may even be repelling well-intentioned people. Lack of vision or a negative disposition would also not aid you in being an IN10TIONAL friend.
Good fruit practically makes you the visionary and game changer who constantly attracts others because failure and defeat aren’t in your vocabulary.
Would you rather be a success or failure? Will you determine within yourself to grow and let negative relationships go? The choice is up to you!